YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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