Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think your dad took our porno
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
