Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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