Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
