it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Randomize
