Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
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So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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