Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They have beer where we have blood.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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