FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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