when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
