Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
