just tell him i said nine months
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
