she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
