i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
