i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
