I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
