I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
