we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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