i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
