I love having hate sex.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i out mim tonsoeep
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