I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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