when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
