The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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