remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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