idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
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Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
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I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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