worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
