but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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