I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize