Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
