He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
