Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
