I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
