saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
