apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
