I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize