I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
