I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
