You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
