I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
