There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
