ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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