I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
