Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dick very happy bro
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
