The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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