please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
