There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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