watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
