just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize