Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My vagina is officially offended.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
