I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
