So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
