Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
