Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
