i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
