how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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