I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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