I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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