we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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