Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
