i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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