I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
