He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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