Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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