The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
