So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
