I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
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I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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