There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
