Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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