What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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