didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize